4/29/2007

Vote H*llary Cl*nton! She's Got Ov*ries! w00t

While being really out of it at the moment I have had a few minor revelations:

First of all, the main reason I find porn so hilarious is because the shaved pubic regions of female pornstars kinda make me think of manatees.

This is confusing, especially in light of how patriarchy is all knowing and all seeing and responsible for everything*.

If patriarchy is the matrix**, then obviously this whole shaved cootchy (cooter? whatever the other C-wrod for lady bits is, you know) = manatee connection is a result of patriarchy, stands to reason right?

Except what possible use does the patriarchy get out of making me think of manatees when ever I see shaved croutons? I rate manatees highly, among my top ten of all the aquatic mammals, so it isn't to make me ashamed of a shaved crampon, if only sahving the area would make my crotch graceful and agile like a manatee... *sigh*

maybe it is to make me live in constant fear of my coucous being killed by a boat's proppeller should I ever shave it, so that then I'd not be so wise to the aquaintence raping ways of men?

Now I'm just being silly.

Also has anyone else noted that when you add stars into swear words, as a form of censorship, it sounds more emphatic and rude than it would normally?

For instance this sentence; "Fuck you, you fucking fucker!" is something a curly haired child might say, to which you'd reply with a "cute, kid" and ruffle their hair playfully.

However this sentence; "F*ck you, you f*cking f*cker!" sounds like something that only a hardened criminal would say while raping a nun and stealing money from a little old lady.

M*rkos M*ulitsa.

See?

I shall experiment in weeks to come.

See you all next week (or whenever) folks, same bat time, same bat channel...

* Especially feminism, which is all patriarchy, all the time, unless twisty and her white capitalist father say it isn't, in which case it's not, oh shut up mildred, can you not see there is no clear signs of mental issues just because a lesbian loves her father and his funk filled bratwurst? and if that human emotion called "love" means being an apologist for the occasional bit of illegal immigrant exploiting or "industrial accidents" that had nothing to do with competitors being pushed into vats of acid or whatever he did in his time as a capitain of industry, then what is a radical feminist who clearly states she stands against white male capitalist oppression to do? Other than not act as an apologist of course... let's not get crazy here...

** A term I originally thought twisty meant in a way that I later found out she didn't mean it, thus confusing me because the way I thought she didn't mean it but did basically made feminism into yet another branch of the whiney white emo kiddies armed services. Alas, for some reason I am one of the few people who seems to have realised that even neitzsche didn't like whiney nihilists, and I sincerely believe that if he was alive today he'd start up a mail bombing campaign of Eels, just on the principle of the thing.

Somehow I feel that feminism should be about something more than sighing heavily everytime your moka frotha locka choca capa frapa crapa chino is handed to you without the little complimentary sprinkling of cinnamon you're used to but it's all so depressing so you don't complain and just end up zoning out staring at the over cast sky, thinking of the days when everything and bad hair cuts, but this is only my opinion, which is worth as much money as I can convince the New York Time to pay me (nothing whatsoever).

19 comments:

bfp said...

you're so f*cking f*nny. you're killing me with this.

Sylvia said...

Hmm.

Pr*sid*nt B*sh
D*ck Ch*n*y

Holy crap, I think I just wrote myself a ticket to hell.

arrogantworm said...

You were thinking manatees, eh? Nicer'n what I thought, which is a skewed idea of Barbie's crotch, only in reverse. At least manatees have a cuteness factor.

You're onto something with the stars and the vowels, though, yessss.... I bet if there were more replacements, like, hm... ******** instead of M*n*t**s, the whole idea could be viewed as a type of magic. Charge admissions for schooling, have degrees in Symbol Replacement, even extra courses on where alternate symbols go from other keyboards and the rules they would follow! It could be grand! I think I'm over-tired.

nezua limón xolagrafik-jonez said...

mmm. m*natees.

Veronica said...

Eels have addresses?

belledame222 said...

*** ******* ***** ****** ********

ProseHack said...

You know, in the West Indies, manatees are considered...dinner.

So the whole "eating manatee" has, now, interesting conotations...

bint alshamsa said...

I shaved my couscous a few times but the results were so ridiculous that I couldn't stop laughing everytime I looked in the mirror.

Chuckie K said...

At least one point hear deserves philological explication. Now follow me. "matrix" would be 'mater' meaning 'mother' + 'ix' the female agentive suffix meaning 'person of the type who performs this activity.'
Hence, 'matrix' should mean 'motherer." Or as we might paraphrase it, 'mother who mothers.'
And and who would argue with the mother who mothers as the matrix of patriarchy. Although, as other readers have quite correctly asserted, in the matrix of patriarchy the patriarchal matrix appears as th* m*th*r wh* m*th*rs.
Speaking of which, tonight on the new book shelf I discovered the recently published tome 'Do Men Mother?', when I'm asking myself, do I ever do anything else?

ms_xeno said...

I missed the whole thing about Twisty and her father (???) I knew re-entering the workplace would culminate in unparalleled grief, but what could I do ? They offered me money and I was sick of rice and beans three meals a day...

belledame222 said...

her father is a Captain of Industry. he likes to be treated like a Big Shot when going to four-star restaurants, and really if anyone deserves it, he does; he worked hard for it. Horatio Alger: radical feminist. and no, there is absolutely no connection between this and the general Blaming of the Patriarchy; pay no attention to the Patriarch behind the curtain. look, everyone--sports corsets!!

ms_xeno said...

Ah, thanks for the encapsulation, belledame. I'd ask for a similar one re: Jensen, but I'm too chicken. :o

Do I have to think up a good feminist cover story for MY Dad, too ? Fuck, I'm doomed. Do I get an exemption since A) I resigned from feminism about one week ago and B) He's dead ?

belledame222 said...

Jensen's just basically a patronizing dickhead, as far as I'm concerned.

when/how'd you resign from feminism?

y'know, I don't hold her background against her (it'd be at least somewhat hypocritical if I did, but even if not), of itself; what annoys me is the judgy-judgerton of so many other people from her own narrow interpretation of "radical" feminism (which promptly gets picked up by the chorus)...but at the same time, not only does she effectively hold herself exempt (apparently exploitation and Pandering To The Powers That Be is only bad if it's sexual, see; nothing else seems to register anyway), but it's just this huge honking blind spot in her analyses.

of course, i'm admittedly biased. but still.

belledame222 said...

...i mean, there is a certain irony, okay, in "I long for Revolution (!) and Blame the Patriarchy, which means everyone and everything except or apparently least of all -my actual very Patriarchal Father.-"

yeah, it's rude to pry into peoples' personal (publically posted, but still) shit; but you know something, in the context of all this Personal Is Political and "we're just asking you to EXAMINE your blahblah" and "you're making us all look bad"...

and, too, you know what they say:

"when you point a finger, three more point back at you."

R. Mildred said...

WEll it's not even all that, it's that she whipped out some bullshit about how he'd earned his fortune.

Which would be fine and good coming from a theory lite type like ren, but really isn't on for a rampant theory waffler like twisty.

RE: Jensen;

Robert Jensen is a radical feminist professor, who has posted some truly inane peices here and there about the vast evils that occur as a result of watching lots of porn.

However, all his peices involve him doing lots of "research" on porn.

Which either invalidates or repudates his various thesii, but not in the way he and those who quote him think it all does. The only thing we know for certain is that jensen is a man who spends a shit lot of time whacking off to porn, and even more time writing about how much he whacks off to porn to please his admiring "poltiical lesbian" fans, who are all ex-straight women for some reason.

ms_xeno said...

I had to open my big yap.

Well, I actually like Jensen. I no more got the impression that he had to be writing his essays one-handed than I got the impression that Carol J. Adams couldn't have written The Sexual Politics of Meat unless she had mouth full of pork rinds all through the typing process.

Sigh.

My heart checked out of the porn wars some time ago. My head lingered for awhile longer but eventually reached agreement with my heart. Hey, this is all futile and all it's doing is alienating you from lots of cool people you otherwise like quite a lot. Why not just let it go ?

They outnumber me two to one so I plead temporary insanity and a nasty cold in this case.

ms_xeno said...

when/how'd you resign from feminism?

Oh, I'm just being goofy. I wrote a grumpy piece about two weeks ago calling Marcotte and Pollitt a couple of weak-assed sellouts and telling them that if they were the face of feminism, I was packing up my tent and hitting the road again.

But I didn't really mean it. About the tent, anyway.

I have fallen behind on a lot of reading since going back to work, but I'll try to catch up more at your space soon. Best, belledame. You, too, R. Mildred.

R. Mildred said...

To be fair my major problem with alot of the anti-porn crowd is that they're absolute pants as far as methodology goes - my real beef with jensen is that he's a bastard for non-falsifiable theories RE: sex work and porn and he's beloved by the "lock up the whores!" section of the radfem community.

The methodology isn't as it were just a theoretical problem though because IMHO they miss out the various highly valid ways to criticise porn, fetish communities and sex work as result of that.

Also: quitting feminism is the new being a feminist, I myself am not so foolish as to try because I know I'll be back in teh quicky mart the next day, asking for another pack of Third Waves (the feminism with teh silky smooth flavor) knowing that one day I shall be crushed by an inexplicable hippo as result of it all.

I have no will power.

ms_xeno said...

Well, I don't really want to lock anybody up. Except maybe Ann Taintor for being a hack with lots of money that should go to me instead. (Now belledame's gonna' kick my ass all over again.)

Oh, and please don't tell my husband that I''ve turned into a political lesbian. I'm trying to figure out how to break it to him gently w/o being denied cat visitation for the next fifty years.