Hot sweaty memeage sacks (batman)!

From Pandagon:

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1. Succeed at my 2 month long dream of becoming a firewoman
2. Fuck Scott Bakula's brains out
3. Kill several old people by boasting loudly about having fucked scott bakula with the hand gestures and everthing
4. Urinate on Dubya's grave
5. Urinate on Reagan's grave
6. Urinate on Lenin's glass tomb
7. Save the world

Seven things I can do:

1. pee standing up.
2. insult people's mother by comparing them to any random nearby object
3. laugh at my own stupidity
4. swear in punjabi
5. Not totally hate myself for having been a mississippi born/california raised southerner hater in the past, even though I probably should
6. attract the crazy evangelists during early morning bus rides to work
7. Mix up a good drink out of any available drinkable alchoholic fluids nearby

Seven things I can't do:

1. Watch a cat suffer
2. Do that glass and card trick with spiders but...
3. ....also can't stop myself from apologising for then squishing the poor little beasties who means me no harm but would seriously leave me unable to use a room I knew it was loose in if I didn't kill it immediatly
4. ignore homeless people or a terrible thing happening to someone or some people
5. accept complements without assuming the complementer is insulting me in a really subtle way I'm too stupid to get
6. seem not to set myself mildly alight sometime during the year
7. Care about shoes

Seven things that attract me to potential partners/fuck buddies:

1. Nice face/voice combo
2. Doesn't take themselves too seriously
3. Enjoys the occasional argument
4. Good humored, I hate it when people have too much blood and not enough yellow bile
5. Isn't afraid of the pussy
6. Isn't too afraid of new things
7. Isn't a total pain wimp

Things that attract potential partners/fuck buddies to me:

1) That I can be gracefully violent when I'm drunk
2) My evil ways
3) Being drunk
4) My blasé attittude to cold weather (or my seemingly constantly erect nipples)
5) My decievingly innocent appearance
6) My bad and often indescriminate habit of charity
7) My eyes

Seven things I say the most:

1) Fuck
2) *indignant snort*
3) aww...
4) eww...
5) scheist!
6) What the fuck is that?!
7) meh. (though you sorta gotta say it like a cat would, so it's more sort of mrreh with almost silent "r"s and short sharp eh on the end)

Seven celebrity crushes:

1) Scott Bakula (though he might be disqualified for torrid sexual fantasy reasons)
2) katie O of the Yeah yeah yeahs
3) Gwen Stefanie (and no I don't know why, she's not really my type, avoider of blondes that I am)
4) Hank Mobley, saxaphonist for the jazz messengers, at his prime
5) Ms. dynamite, a british hip-hop/R&B artist who's music I love, and has a certain fire that i can't help liking as well.
6) Saul Williams
7) Who ever that guy who plays Jane in Firefly is.