Apologese* to Ren (again)

Sorry about how that last thread turned out, it wasn't supposed to go like that, I was just ranting inanely and at lenght about stuff that irritates me.

However, AradhanaD's points: valid.

And that knife in your gut feeling?

Your capitalism thread.**

Seriously, some days I don't feel like reiterating for the guzzilionth time why, no, people don't get "paid more for working harder" under capitalism, no I'm not poor because I'm lazy, no I am not worth less, and not therefore less of human being, than you just because you're middle class and I'm not (thank you rootie tootie for that).

And why yes - praising a system that puts prices on people's heads like that, and steals most people's money and tells them that that's oh so much better than getting public services isn't a good thing thankyouverymuch... I hate capitalism like I hate the fucking tip system, I have seen so fucking much money, that I earned, wiht my hurt ass high heeled feet, because I hate all those feminine rituals ren, to answer your question, all of them, because I CAN'T give them up and be allowed to live, and I would love to, I dress like a fucking man on my days off for exactly that reason (the mid week, when I don't pull shifts, I am free to be me, and that me is on the butcher side of andro) but gotta put the slapstick on, and wear the heels and the skirts and the tops, and earn that pissant percentage of those piss ant tips with the fucking constant pinches nad touches and slaps on my ass and attempted rapes and everything else, all to have what I do earn with that hell stolen from me at the end of the day, legally, because if I don't accept that fucking tip system and minimum wages I don't have work to do.

No degrees you see - and everything needs a degree even the make peice clerical shit these days - because one kid got to go to college because that's all my mother could afford after she left my abusive father - and my eldest brother got that ticket.

He's some techie last I heard, which chafes my ass with jealousy and anger because do you know what I wanted to be when I little? A doctor, to make a difference, to help people - and he wastes his chance on being a fucking techie just because he enjoys that work, the fucker.

Won't ever be able to pull the money neccesary to do medical school because of the bills, known that since I was ickle despite the occasional brief glimmer of hope that's been dashed once too many times now thankyouvery much, and the rent and hte bullshit upon bullshit that sucks up what cash I do make.

Look, be proud in who you are but don't do that at anyone's expense - that you have to find your strength in that sort of garbage (the movie - not your work) is a problem, not yours but THOSE things', the big invisible elephants in left Blogistan that are sometimes seen and somtimes not.

If you get pride from a place that does come at someone else' expense - and I mean truly at the expense of other people not some linkage that requires a mind like a heat seeking corkscrew to grasp - like the way the glorification of the 300 and the spartans comes at the expense and erasure of the thousands upon thousands of helots they killed and raped in every sense of the word back in the day, isn't worth it in the long run ren, seriously, and I know you get told what you're allowed to feel pride in all the time by people who are more concerned with bringing you down because you've got bigger tits than them (and while you can't say that without sounding like a stuck up jerk, I can, so there) - sometimes you're sucking up selfworth from toxic sources, because life wants to poison you honey, and it will do things like that towards that end goal. While it may just be liking 300 today, tommorrow you'll be dancing down whitegirl lane hand in hand with heart or lindsey beyerstein - imperialists take all forms, and they don't wear the black hats or the black face in real life.

And having those generations of rape (and who speaks for the dead if no one does?) glossed over to sell war upon iraqi, afghan and soon to be iranian babies - yes that makes me angry ren, and yes it's toxic because it makes you dance*** for your self worth, makes you give up that ability to care for the lost and downtrodden that the world needs, just so you can grasp some small amount of pride that it'll rob you of with interest at the next opportunity - and yes it'll undoubtably pretend to be trying to protect you from yourself, but meh.

Okay, but I meant taht last post to be at them, you know, that they that it'd take too long to get specific about.

So I'm sorry that all makes me angry, and that my aim is poor.

Cheer up - and eat a manwich dammit, I'm hungry.

* how the fuck do you spell that?

** Sorry, I'm a grudge camel, my humps, my lovely spite filled lady lumps, on my back... well, just on my back.

*** your profession fucks my metaphors up dammit, you know what I mean, a dancer by choice is not the same thing as a hobo who's being paid to beat up another hobo for the amusement of a rich brat - that's what I mean, choice makes a distinction. A big veiny distinction