Okay Twisty, I have to doff my pimping hat at you

Twisty wins this week's Curious Retoric Award for this wonderful and beautiful line:

As we have seen, patriarchy relies for its continued success on precise regulation of penis placement.

Which as every Libertarian and Fiscal Conservative/liberal knows, means that only the total deregulation of the penis placement market can allow the invisible hand of Feminism to free us all from the...err... other invisible hand of patriarchy (unlike feminism's invisible hand, which is soft and caring as only a "post gender" invisible feminine hand can be) which is always trying to cop a feel when you least want it to).

The whole peice is interesting, not just because Twisty for once actually deigns to come up with some thing akin to a mechanism for her whole nihilistic "Oh it's the end of civilisation as we know it and I feel alright I suppose, I have badminton practice* and my food to keep me occupied and all" thing that seems to be the only bit of unifyng theoretical frame work that stops the radfem community dissolving in a squidgy mess of autophagy.

But any the, crux of the whole peice is really that Salon has finally noticed the existence of asexuals (when New Scientist had a peice from the guy who runs AVEN way back in 2004 ffs) and Hilarity promptly ensues:

But some experts see a potentially damaging downside to the asexual pride welcome mat and are concerned that freshly "validated" asexuals, rushing headlong into acceptance, may be so quick (and relieved) to call their condition an "orientation" that they'll buy the T-shirt before they've fully explored how they might have gotten that way.

"I don't think that masses of people -- who might be confused about sexuality, or afraid about sexuality, or who have not yet experienced sexual attraction and sexual pleasure, or who have experienced sexual trauma -- should be encouraged to define themselves as 'asexual,'" says Aline Zoldbrod, a Boston-area psychologist and sex therapist and author of "Sex Smart: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sexual Life and What to Do About It." "I worry about boys and girls, men and women, finding an 'asexual' Web site and accepting their asexuality as an identity without even trying to understand its genesis. Some of these people need help."

What's that you say Twisty? People going on paternalistically about how people who've probably put quite a bit of thought into their life style haven't really, according to the randomised and arbitrary standard that they invented back when blacks drankfrm different fountains, and man-on-man was a crime, exained their choices is a tool commony used by the patriarchy to force women to live within patriarchy affirming lifestyles?

Next you'll be saying that the patriarchy also works by pinning women and men between two mutually exclusive sociological dichotomies, and then squeezing them together till we give up or die.

However the doctors do have a point that some asexuals probably are a bit damaged, for instance;

Jay, who started calling himself "asexual" when he was in high school, says he has many close friends, develops crushes on both men and women (more of an urge to see them 24/7 than to see them naked), and enjoys watching "Sex and the City" with friends anthropologically, as a way of observing how the other 99 percent lives.

Now you can't tell me that's normal. The thinking that S&TC is representative of how the other 99% live that is, not the platonic relationships thing, which I think we've all experienced in some form or another, but they tend to get eclipsed somewhat by the emotional rollercoasters that makeup sexual relationsips.

Do you know what? I'm just gonna cut this post here because the ironic dissonance between the two peices is kinda obvious, and I've gotta see a man about an auxillary dingus anyway.

LOLZ! Uh... it's not the same thing Trexy...

LOL, catching up with the Steve "he must have been the bomb to get this sort of fallout" Gilliard thing at feministe and...

Noticed that our old pal Trex had graced us with this in Zuzu's execellent response to the whole thing:

I dunno, piny. I’m not buying it. The whole defense seems to be that visitors to the blog drawn by one post should have taken the time to figure out from reading the entire blog and casting runes and pawing through entrails what Brittney was all about.

I simply cannot believe that zuzu and I are, for once, in complete accord on an issue. I believe this calls for a celebration. A big one. Zuzu, do you prefer Shiraz or a nice Sauvignon Blanc? Or should we just go directly to champagne?

Now the only reason I'm responding to this is because I can imagine Marcotte and Lindsay are also thinking along the same lines as Trex.

Stop.

Puh-leeze.

The difference between Trex's idiocy/burkagate, and this whole stupid thing is very simple, and as everyone who knew Steve Gilliard is claiming for themselves the right to be complete nitwits without being called on it, I shall explain how it works.

For example, burkagate/Trex was criticised, not because everyone didn't get that marcotte and trex were making a joke (which is why, pretending that that was why you were being criticised inflamed the whole thing and pissed more people off than the original picture) - the trouble was that the joke wasn't actually that funny and was also kinda racist with it. I know strictly speaking a joke is defined by it being amusing, but not laughing at a joke doesn't post hoc mean that the non-laughing member of the audience doesn't grasp that you were not actually joking in the first place, it just means that your joke was crap.

The greatest clue to this fact, is that no one actually thought or even implied that Amanda Marcotte was actually advocating that Jessica Vallenti being forced to wear a burka.

And also Trex wasn't actually joking when he told a woc to "mind her betters."

It is quantifiably different, you see, than Jesus General going around and saying that Brittany was actually going around and trying to put liberals in their place by reposting smantix's filth, which she thought of as a good post in some way, when she wasn't.

It might be okay if the criticisms of Brittany invovle people saying that it wasn't funny, or that it wasn't appropriate to do that sort of post at this time, those would have been fair and well reasoned, that's sort of Donna post on the subject, which is fair...

Because the whole point of such posts that revolve primarily on showing your readers something some right wing idiots say that is really fucked up, is as old as blogging itself, is to, not even make the audience laugh (except at the rank patheticness of the person quoting, of course), but to make the audience go "my fucking god - what an asshole!" Understandably, freinds could go, ugh, that makes me sick, I wish I hadn't looked at that blog post.

But that's a long way from not getting that it wasn't a post supporting but was in fact going "oh my fucking god, look at this asshole!" towards smantix, and criticising the fucked upness of what he said. And It's even farther away from then flipping shit becuase you didn't get that, and then going so far as to actually blame the flipping of shit primarily and entirely on the person who you then misunderstood, for doing shit they didn't actually do outside the confines of your head.

Which is the really fucked up irony of all this, JG has transformed, like a caterpillar exiting its crysalis, into one of the silly heads who presumably wrote him emails saying that he was a nasty immoral right winger back before he put that label up stating that he did satire.

To every silly season, turn...turn...turn... there comes a nitwit, turn...turn...turn...

Whiny Ass Titty Babies Need Hysterectomies, Stat!

Oh lordy, well we've got a big bagful of Post-Gilliard Blogisode.

Because we're long past a mere blogwar folks, this is an epileptic seizure of leftblogistan, this is what I can only describe as a tuppin episode.

Apparently some brittany woman in nashville reposted, without additional comment, a wingnut's post who ahd this charmingly subtle epilogue to Steve Gilliard's career as a good and progressive writer;

It goes without saying that the term “house negro” gets bandied about with great frequency against anyone of seemingly African descent when they are on the Right. [It doesn't actually, nad if you had to say it, then it doesn't actually go without saying then, does it? - RM] Be you Clarence Thomas, Condoleeza Rice, Michael Steele, or J.C. Watts, you can expect a Harry Belafonte, a Danny Glover, or yes - even a Steve Gilliard to call you out for being the race traitor that you are. The sell-out, Oreo cookies who do Whitey’s bidding and put a black face on racist policies that would otherwise be rightly called out for what they are. Uncle Thomas and Aunt Thomasinas alike. [It should be Aunt Thomas' actually, he's confusing uncle toms with tsars, also for clarity it should reallky be "uncle and aunt Thomas' alike." - RM]

But really, who is doing whose bidding in those situations? Can Howard Dean call Condoleeza his “do right answer mammy who be smart”? Can James Carville call out Clarence for collard greens? [Not really... - RM]

Which brings us to today’s marquee morbidity. The tragic, untimely death of Donk ["donk"? - RM] House Negro and all around bigot Steve Gilliard. Who knew that boiling bacon grease in a spoon and mainlining it into the neck vein was bad for your health?

Because while progressives, being sissy wusses, actually back up claims of, for want of a better term, uncle tommery with this funny thing called evidence, Conservatives being so god damned manly that they're scared of women, brown folk, books and apparently the living, can just call someone a bigot and a house negro because... well because he's fat and he's black, oh and he's also dead, because there's nothing more manly than starting a fight with a man who can't fight back.

What's amusing me however is that I was unaware specifically which of the big bloggers steve gilliard was (nothing personal, but I started tuning them out once I realised they were all just debunking things that the neo-cons said - and then I realised that the neo-cons were stuck on a loop and hadn't come up with any new material since 1978, and while I suppose someone had to keep slogging away at it, I for one couldn't be bothered to read it anymore) and was kinda "oh, steve gilliard was black, well..." which at least explains on average why he hadn't done anything notably stupid in the past couple of years.

Which is a commendation in my eyes, any blogger big enough to be mourned by the other big bloggers after his death who isn't almost as stupid and humorless as that wingnut there, is both notable and impressive giving the intellectual contraints placed upon him by the very nature of big blogging itself. Kudos.

Which brings me back to the Blogisode, because unfortunately Jesus' General saw brittany's commentless repost and LEAPED to the attack... you'd expect as much, "dear Smantix..." it'd begin and then he'd really get into it...

News Director
WKRN 2 Nashville

cc: Allison Hatcher, Weekday Evening Anchor, WKRN 2 Nashville
Brittney Gilbert, Blogger, WKRN 2 Nashville
Dr. Harry R Jacobson, Vice-Chancellor for Health Affairs, Vanderbilt U.

Dear WKRN 2 News Team,

I really enjoy Brittney's new "Kick The Body Before It's Buried" feature on the WKRN 2's Nashville is Talking blog, and although my inner Frenchman stormed out of the room after reading the inaugural post about his friend, Steve Gilliard, I'm certain it brought a smile to his lips for a moment before he went back to grieving. I bet it did the same for Steve's family and the thousands of others who loved and respected him as well.

Umm... wait a second, it was Smantix's post...

Now I know your blogger, Brittney, isn't the author of those lines, but she deserves a lot of credit for republishing it without comment and thereby repackaging it as a WKRN 2 Nashville product.

Well that's good but she's just doing what Atrios does, which isn't really "repackaging as a WKRN 2 Nashville product" in any sense of the term so...

That young woman is certainly an asset to your organization. You should consider giving her a spot on the nightly news.

I'm thinking of something along the lines of a short in-studio segment where Brittany and WKRN 2 Nashville Weeknight Anchor Allison Hatcher attack someone from the local black community who passed away that day. I bet your writers would have a lot of fun finding new ways to denigrate black people and the circumstances of their death. You might even get State Sen. Stacey Campfield to join in. I'm sure he'd love it.

Umm...

Let me know if I can help you in any way--I might be able to find you a good deal on white robes or pointed sticks you can use to poke the bodies. I'd be glad to hook you up.

Err...

Heterosexually yours (in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way, of course)

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Of course little did the General know that The French had cunningly reconned the blogosphere so that it was now impossible for a blogger to post in a contextless vacuum, as was decided during both The Not All That Suprising DKos Pie Fight and The Incredibly and Inexplicably Stupid Battle of BurkaGate, in which it was decided that if you show the ability to be intelligent, you do not then get to play the "Oh but I'm just a stupid conservative duh-ho-whoa, context and context, what is context?" card, waffle about PC oppression and just generally be a collosal nitwit on an unimaginable scale.

Which is unfortunate because even a casual reading of Brittany's writing at Nashville Is Talking should lead you to realise that she is on average liberal, and that, unless she actually states otehrwise, a quote of that nature with no comment, in the inexplicably popular stylings of, I repeat, Atrios, should be read as such:

Title (*Fucked Up Quote* + *silence*) = Ironic Title! ZOMGWTFBBQ.

Of course, as you are claiming that you don't do irony any more, having undergone some sort of Hulk like transformation into an idiot, ("don't make me greive, you wouldn't like me when I grieve") I can only assume that you will now be posting drivel like that but... and here's the New Format Jesus' General twist... You shall be saying stuff like that in total unironic seriousness.

Of course we all know what's really going on here.

We've all felt that sort of soul raking grief that leads to crazy actions - I remember when a freind of mine died I kept starting fights in bars - which ultimately culminated in me successfully beating the crap out of a guy who had tried to get fresh with me, 3 bouncers and some random passerby who looked at me funny, at this club, and managing to take one of the bouncers' eyebrows clean off with my hideously swollen knuckles before a few freinds managed to drag me off and away.

They sat on me all night and made me promise never to be such a psycho while I ranted and raged and insulted all their mothers.

I'm not proud... Welll I'm a bit proud (his eye brow was just a bloody gash above his eye, that's impressive, if morally Wrong), but it's all mixed in with shame towards those poor bouncers who had no idea that when they got ready for their night job that evening that later that night they would be partially mauled by a skinny greiving martial artist who does not like men touchign her without an invitation (though they were trying to stop me wailing on this other guy, so it's wasn't a bad touch, so much as "how dare you touch me impudent pig dogs, DIE!").

To cut a long story short, in other words, we understand, in fact as Zuzu made clear over at, it's perfectly understandable that Jesus general would immediately go into a hyperventilating hysterics about such a thing, he's hurt, he's sore, he's bruised all over his brain, and if you don't make perfectly clear and beat him over the head with ultra obvious sarcasm and teh irony , well then of course he's going to flip out out like a epileptic ninja at a disco.

And so what if he does spaz out like that, os what if he does let his weak inferior male, overly emotional self make him get himself into a position where his ego won't let him back down - because he's invested all this anger from Gilliard's death into being Le Outraged at Brittany, and he's got no where else for that misplaced anger to go - so what eh?

Just a blow up on the internets right?

Except Brittany quit blogging pretty much because of the grief she was getting from both this bullshit, and from the constant attacks every liberal blogger gets from conservative haters.

SO for the recap here's what's happened so far:

Female liberal writer puts a douche bag into the spot light
Male liberal writer reacts and sets his (actually really existent) posse to harass her
She explains
He demands an apology for the shit that only actually happened in the inside of his own head
She quits because of the harassment.

Well color me shocked and surprised that shit like this could happen in Left blogistan (that's heavy sarcasm btw folks).

A hearty Fuck You to all those responsible in this mess. Steve Gilliard would not wnat this to be how he's commemorated, but NEVER MIND, who gives a fuck about the dead eh?

Self Absorbtion really does mean never having to say you're sorry, and it also apparently means being able to demand an apology from the people you've hurt for very comprehensible, but no less FUCKING STUPID, reasons.

Fuck You all.

Where ever there are winners, there are losers

Michelle "Lady of the Concentration Camps" Malkin to be precise (and I guess Dinesh "an odorless, colorless racist gasbag" D'Souza too) who is the official The Loser(s) of April.

For instance;

Michelle Malkin, born Michelle Maglalang, is a dark skinned Filipino-American who loves the worst that white American civilization has to offer. Malkin is a darling of the right wing, a blogger and author who is eager to advocate invading other nations, and spewing hatred of immigrants in general and of Muslims in particular.

Malkin constantly rails against immigration, complaining about "drive by" "accidental" citizenship attained by the children of immigrants who she and others label "anchor" and "jackpot" babies.

Malkin never told her loyal readership that her father came to the United States in 1970 on a temporary work visa. She was born in October 1970. Malkin is herself a jackpot baby, given automatic citizenship when her parents were not even permanent residents. The truth may set you free, but it doesn't get you on Fox news.

The big L on her forhead was beginning to visible a few days earlier though when she had her husband pen the Manifesto for the National Curtain Twitcher Association a few days earlier with such statements as;

I will raise my voice against your subjugation of women and religious minorities.

I will challenge your attempts to indoctrinate my children in our schools.

I will combat your violent propaganda on the Internet.

I am John Doe.

Now the more canny reader may notice that not only is it ironic, like rain on your wedding day (except it's actually ironic), but is fascinating because she's spoken loudly for the subjugation of women in america and else where, backing anti-choice and anti-family immigration and reproductive rights policies perpetrated by the bush administration. Even as far as religious miniorities go, she has in fact raised nary a peep when most of the largely pointless Iraqi election cycles that went on during the 2004-2005 new years season saw the active disenfranchisment of innumerable christians in iraq by the newly "re-elected" Team Bush coordinated Iraqi election system.

She also has no children, and indeed has supported teh graducal destruction of hte public education system by the bush administration with such schemes as the infamous "no child left behind" scheme, meaning that "my children" and "our schools" should, by all that is holy, lead to her face actually being set on fire from the friction generated by her nose elongating at such rapid speed as she laid claim to inclusion within pretty much any random group of white folk who couldn't run away fast enough.

But wait, her ode to people doing the obvious thing and reporting her brown 2nd generation potentially a muslim terrorist immigrant descended ass to Stasi-R-Us does not cease there, for not content in identifying herself as an obvious Islamic Terrorist in both deed and ethnic makeup and begging White America to fink her out to the fuzz, even John Ashcroft and Ann Althouse were not to be spared from her scaving indictments and vitriol ridden blandishements;

I will resist the imposition of sharia principles and sharia law in my taxi cab, my restaurant, my community pool, the halls of Congress, our national monuments, the radio and television airwaves, and all public spaces.

So Michelle, we, the Patriotic Non-losers of America, do salute you! (while with our other hand we dial the police on our cell phones in case you look like you're gonna form a suicide Jazz band in a fit of pique, becuase you can never be too careful, or too much of a fink of a cheese weasel)