My policy on Hillary Clinton

I know this is really belated but I just want to say one very important thing:

Of all the stupid, poorly thought out down right mentally retarded ideas I have ever had the misfortune to witness being put forth in my entire life, the idea of Hillary clinton actually getting nominated is the most stupid by far.

Let me just lay this one out for folks who don't get what I'm talking about here:

The first, and for me the worst, problem with Hillary is that she has no policies, and her "message" is... there's no message, for fuck's sake, a goddamn Mime is better able to communicate what they're passionate about than she is.

So basically she's running on a platform of "vote for me!" period, full stop, end of message.

But wait, what about her voting record?

For the patriot act, both when it was foirst put ot vote and then again in 2006 when it was up for renewal(!), which means that even if you accept the "everyone else was doing it" nonsense rationalization that most dems throw out when called on doing what amounts to wiping their ass with the consitution and civil liberties, Hillary actually then went out and actively approved of it the second time around when a lot of otherwise spineless dems felt they could get away with being absent or actually voting against it.

She took a day off when the bankruptcy bill was put to the vote - despite being vocally against it, so not just a douche who hates the poor, but a two faced douche who hates the poor.

And as for the iraq war, well, can you say "for it before she was against it?".


The only democrat who's managed to brown nose the bush admin's worse excesses more than hillary is basically Lieberman - she is in short, not a nice woman, and she's married to the guy who set up a nasty little extra-legal holding facility for HIV+ haitian refugees, so when people discuss whether or not her time as first lady counts on her resume (it should in my opinion) they should bare in mind that they're basically discussing whether or not she's partially responsible for all the nastiness and bastardry Bill pulled off and which laid the ground work for the Bush administration to be as bad as it has been.

But wait you say, who cares about "idealism" and "litmus tests", you'll vote for any democrat just so long as they can beat the repugs? (go blue team go! We'll win the meaningless trophy of hollow authority this year!)

So you won't be voting for hillary basically?

because that's the thing - even the ol' cliche ridden, stupid as hell "pragmatic" voting strategy means Hillary is to be avoided like the fucking human plague she is. It's actually one of thsoe weird, once in a blue moon occurences actually: everyone from centrist tools to Radical progressives can coem together in their mutual hatred of Hillary.

The trouble, pragmatically speaking, is that the right wing has spent hte last ten years, at a conservative estimate, turning Hillary into the human avatar of their myriad strawliberals and strawfeminists so that by this point she's basically just a woman who's spare time is spent having unprotected sex with terrorist commumuslims and then aborting the resulting preganacies just for fun, and putting forth all the skeevy flag burning amendments and acceptably hysterical anti-video game legislation she has put forth in the past few years (because they don't have anything important to deal with in government these days, because it's just one of those slow decades you know?) will only achieve one very very simple fact: those who'll care about your actual voting record will hate you more, and those who won't care, won't care because you will always be "hitlery" in america's eye you vinegary backwash of crotch pus.

However, you may notice that this raises the small question of, if she's so fucking unelectable, why the hell did Edwards drop out and not her? Why, in short, did she get so fucking far if she's so "unelectable"? Surely the very fact that you're worried enough by her remarkable success to finally bother to slam her like this disproves your central thesis?

Let me make this clear then; I have found no one who would vote for or has voted for hillary clinton who is not also a complete bastard of some kind.

Case in point: Heart AND Ann Coulter AND Rush Limbaughn have all endorsed her.

Now that pretty much proves my point, but bellatrys mentions a ladder-pulling Latina bus driver and this I think pretty much represents the demographic that Hillary has inadvertantly tapped into.

Basically there are uncomplicated racists and there are complex racists. the uncomplicated racists work on the principle that if you're not one of Us you're one of Them, and then they set you on fire and rape your culture and children (not neccesarily in that order).

These bastards vote republican.

the complex racists are the sort of people who "aren't racist but" or are into the general fun and games of being a ladder pulling ethnic group members of one kind or another, often with a side order of Cosbyite waffles rounding off their specific bastardry.

These people are the "fence sitters" (who are actually solid democrats, have always been solid democrats, and are, in some instance at least, most probably Kos himself taking on the form of one of the lost soul's his vile demonic masters require him to collect each year) democrats have been playing too for the last couple of election cycles, and these people would rather knaw off their own limbs than vote for a black guy.

And while it may seem horribly reductionist to basically just call people who vote for hilalry racist, ladder pulling authoritarian brown noses, but it's the only thing that makes sense.

She's a terrible woman, she's a terrible politician and undoubtably smells of vinegar.

She's someone who normal non-idiot people can't even vote for, and even among idiots only a very special kind of idiot who ensure that "the race isn't about race" (which is why everyone keeps mentioning how race isn't a factor) can hold their noses long enoguh to vote for the Evil Creature of the White. Though maybe it isn't so impressive to find out that mouth breathers are kinda good at holding their noses for long periods of time, but you know what I mean. They're too stupid and horrible to be nauseated by the thought of voting for the vile alleged human basically.

And anyone trying to shovel some crap about her being "the feminist" choice can suck my wazoo - Obama is at least someone who wouldn't personally vote for parental consent laws or the repealing of Roe, even if he'd be perfectly fine with them being made into law as long as other people voted for them - because he's got that whole upperclass liberal sophistry thing going on, you know, no one but him exists, and so anything that happens in politics is just a point scoring thing and people's lives aren't, you know, at stake or anything.

But hillary? Hillary would personally enjoy watching women who survive illegal abortion being melted in a vat of acid as a form of execution. She's just that evil basically.

And in case you think that I'm going too far, maybe engaging in a bit too much hyperbole, let me just point out that I tried to think of something to make Hillary less likeable, and for a second I thought that, maybe, if she were to put on a strapon and anally rape an orphanage live on natioanl TV, and ended ever rape by dislocating her jaw and biting the child's head off... she'd probably come across as not only more human and down to earth than she does at the moment, she'd also be both more generally likable than she currently is and far far more likely to win an election should she actually get the nomination (Bush has done worse after all).

So unless Hillary rapes an orphanage and bites the heads off a bunch of kids therein, and the DLC still goes ahead and tags her for the presidency camapaign, I swear to god some of the DLC are gonna find themselves awoken in the middle of the night by me giving them an acid and broken glass based enema.

beacuse if Hillary gets tagged for the Dem's candidate, then we know for certain that the DLC is intentionally throwing these elections as some of the more cynical out there have been guessing in a half joking fashion. And that makes them accomplices in the Bush Admin's evils.

And vici french get vici strung up by meat hooks and stabbed by local children as A-grade edutainment about not selling your soul for fucking peanuts.

Do Not Want Dammit.

Ugly Is As Ugly be

Despite what Bfp's smoking, and to quote what the devil likely said when he saw Ike Turner walk into hell:

"I'd hit it."

"uglies" my ass...*

Am I right in understanding that the whole New Orleans Demolitions thing, where folks are having what they had, back before Hurricane Horse Doctor Bush Appointee fucked them over, torn down for reasons of yuppies, is going on at the same time as some shit where the same folks are having what they got given in replacement for the shit that's getting torn down, which consists of randomized trailors in randomized trailor parks surrounded by crazy racist white people usually, taken away because "it was just a temporary thing" and other various ways of explictly not saying "HOLY CRAP! BLACK PEOPLE! ICK EWW GET AWAY FROM ME AND MINE ALREADY!" and generally having the replacement for the shit that's getting torn down replaced with a huge heaping of jack and squat? Is my understanding correct? something about the land leases or something being withdrawn (so that the refugees from Katrina are literally having the ground pulled from under their feet), I forget where I saw it.

anyone else hear that? it wasn't just some horrible nightmare I had or something was it?

* which is not to say that I disagree with Bfp's metaphors and stuff, but it's backwards saturday and I see no reason to agree with her in an agreeable way, purely because I am that much of an asshole, and I had to work the Ike Turner gag in somehow.

Whiny Ass Titty Babies Need Hysterectomies, Stat!

Oh lordy, well we've got a big bagful of Post-Gilliard Blogisode.

Because we're long past a mere blogwar folks, this is an epileptic seizure of leftblogistan, this is what I can only describe as a tuppin episode.

Apparently some brittany woman in nashville reposted, without additional comment, a wingnut's post who ahd this charmingly subtle epilogue to Steve Gilliard's career as a good and progressive writer;

It goes without saying that the term “house negro” gets bandied about with great frequency against anyone of seemingly African descent when they are on the Right. [It doesn't actually, nad if you had to say it, then it doesn't actually go without saying then, does it? - RM] Be you Clarence Thomas, Condoleeza Rice, Michael Steele, or J.C. Watts, you can expect a Harry Belafonte, a Danny Glover, or yes - even a Steve Gilliard to call you out for being the race traitor that you are. The sell-out, Oreo cookies who do Whitey’s bidding and put a black face on racist policies that would otherwise be rightly called out for what they are. Uncle Thomas and Aunt Thomasinas alike. [It should be Aunt Thomas' actually, he's confusing uncle toms with tsars, also for clarity it should reallky be "uncle and aunt Thomas' alike." - RM]

But really, who is doing whose bidding in those situations? Can Howard Dean call Condoleeza his “do right answer mammy who be smart”? Can James Carville call out Clarence for collard greens? [Not really... - RM]

Which brings us to today’s marquee morbidity. The tragic, untimely death of Donk ["donk"? - RM] House Negro and all around bigot Steve Gilliard. Who knew that boiling bacon grease in a spoon and mainlining it into the neck vein was bad for your health?

Because while progressives, being sissy wusses, actually back up claims of, for want of a better term, uncle tommery with this funny thing called evidence, Conservatives being so god damned manly that they're scared of women, brown folk, books and apparently the living, can just call someone a bigot and a house negro because... well because he's fat and he's black, oh and he's also dead, because there's nothing more manly than starting a fight with a man who can't fight back.

What's amusing me however is that I was unaware specifically which of the big bloggers steve gilliard was (nothing personal, but I started tuning them out once I realised they were all just debunking things that the neo-cons said - and then I realised that the neo-cons were stuck on a loop and hadn't come up with any new material since 1978, and while I suppose someone had to keep slogging away at it, I for one couldn't be bothered to read it anymore) and was kinda "oh, steve gilliard was black, well..." which at least explains on average why he hadn't done anything notably stupid in the past couple of years.

Which is a commendation in my eyes, any blogger big enough to be mourned by the other big bloggers after his death who isn't almost as stupid and humorless as that wingnut there, is both notable and impressive giving the intellectual contraints placed upon him by the very nature of big blogging itself. Kudos.

Which brings me back to the Blogisode, because unfortunately Jesus' General saw brittany's commentless repost and LEAPED to the attack... you'd expect as much, "dear Smantix..." it'd begin and then he'd really get into it...

News Director
WKRN 2 Nashville

cc: Allison Hatcher, Weekday Evening Anchor, WKRN 2 Nashville
Brittney Gilbert, Blogger, WKRN 2 Nashville
Dr. Harry R Jacobson, Vice-Chancellor for Health Affairs, Vanderbilt U.

Dear WKRN 2 News Team,

I really enjoy Brittney's new "Kick The Body Before It's Buried" feature on the WKRN 2's Nashville is Talking blog, and although my inner Frenchman stormed out of the room after reading the inaugural post about his friend, Steve Gilliard, I'm certain it brought a smile to his lips for a moment before he went back to grieving. I bet it did the same for Steve's family and the thousands of others who loved and respected him as well.

Umm... wait a second, it was Smantix's post...

Now I know your blogger, Brittney, isn't the author of those lines, but she deserves a lot of credit for republishing it without comment and thereby repackaging it as a WKRN 2 Nashville product.

Well that's good but she's just doing what Atrios does, which isn't really "repackaging as a WKRN 2 Nashville product" in any sense of the term so...

That young woman is certainly an asset to your organization. You should consider giving her a spot on the nightly news.

I'm thinking of something along the lines of a short in-studio segment where Brittany and WKRN 2 Nashville Weeknight Anchor Allison Hatcher attack someone from the local black community who passed away that day. I bet your writers would have a lot of fun finding new ways to denigrate black people and the circumstances of their death. You might even get State Sen. Stacey Campfield to join in. I'm sure he'd love it.

Umm...

Let me know if I can help you in any way--I might be able to find you a good deal on white robes or pointed sticks you can use to poke the bodies. I'd be glad to hook you up.

Err...

Heterosexually yours (in a chaste and biblically appropriate kind of way, of course)

Gen. JC Christian, patriot

Of course little did the General know that The French had cunningly reconned the blogosphere so that it was now impossible for a blogger to post in a contextless vacuum, as was decided during both The Not All That Suprising DKos Pie Fight and The Incredibly and Inexplicably Stupid Battle of BurkaGate, in which it was decided that if you show the ability to be intelligent, you do not then get to play the "Oh but I'm just a stupid conservative duh-ho-whoa, context and context, what is context?" card, waffle about PC oppression and just generally be a collosal nitwit on an unimaginable scale.

Which is unfortunate because even a casual reading of Brittany's writing at Nashville Is Talking should lead you to realise that she is on average liberal, and that, unless she actually states otehrwise, a quote of that nature with no comment, in the inexplicably popular stylings of, I repeat, Atrios, should be read as such:

Title (*Fucked Up Quote* + *silence*) = Ironic Title! ZOMGWTFBBQ.

Of course, as you are claiming that you don't do irony any more, having undergone some sort of Hulk like transformation into an idiot, ("don't make me greive, you wouldn't like me when I grieve") I can only assume that you will now be posting drivel like that but... and here's the New Format Jesus' General twist... You shall be saying stuff like that in total unironic seriousness.

Of course we all know what's really going on here.

We've all felt that sort of soul raking grief that leads to crazy actions - I remember when a freind of mine died I kept starting fights in bars - which ultimately culminated in me successfully beating the crap out of a guy who had tried to get fresh with me, 3 bouncers and some random passerby who looked at me funny, at this club, and managing to take one of the bouncers' eyebrows clean off with my hideously swollen knuckles before a few freinds managed to drag me off and away.

They sat on me all night and made me promise never to be such a psycho while I ranted and raged and insulted all their mothers.

I'm not proud... Welll I'm a bit proud (his eye brow was just a bloody gash above his eye, that's impressive, if morally Wrong), but it's all mixed in with shame towards those poor bouncers who had no idea that when they got ready for their night job that evening that later that night they would be partially mauled by a skinny greiving martial artist who does not like men touchign her without an invitation (though they were trying to stop me wailing on this other guy, so it's wasn't a bad touch, so much as "how dare you touch me impudent pig dogs, DIE!").

To cut a long story short, in other words, we understand, in fact as Zuzu made clear over at, it's perfectly understandable that Jesus general would immediately go into a hyperventilating hysterics about such a thing, he's hurt, he's sore, he's bruised all over his brain, and if you don't make perfectly clear and beat him over the head with ultra obvious sarcasm and teh irony , well then of course he's going to flip out out like a epileptic ninja at a disco.

And so what if he does spaz out like that, os what if he does let his weak inferior male, overly emotional self make him get himself into a position where his ego won't let him back down - because he's invested all this anger from Gilliard's death into being Le Outraged at Brittany, and he's got no where else for that misplaced anger to go - so what eh?

Just a blow up on the internets right?

Except Brittany quit blogging pretty much because of the grief she was getting from both this bullshit, and from the constant attacks every liberal blogger gets from conservative haters.

SO for the recap here's what's happened so far:

Female liberal writer puts a douche bag into the spot light
Male liberal writer reacts and sets his (actually really existent) posse to harass her
She explains
He demands an apology for the shit that only actually happened in the inside of his own head
She quits because of the harassment.

Well color me shocked and surprised that shit like this could happen in Left blogistan (that's heavy sarcasm btw folks).

A hearty Fuck You to all those responsible in this mess. Steve Gilliard would not wnat this to be how he's commemorated, but NEVER MIND, who gives a fuck about the dead eh?

Self Absorbtion really does mean never having to say you're sorry, and it also apparently means being able to demand an apology from the people you've hurt for very comprehensible, but no less FUCKING STUPID, reasons.

Fuck You all.

Vote H*llary Cl*nton! She's Got Ov*ries! w00t

While being really out of it at the moment I have had a few minor revelations:

First of all, the main reason I find porn so hilarious is because the shaved pubic regions of female pornstars kinda make me think of manatees.

This is confusing, especially in light of how patriarchy is all knowing and all seeing and responsible for everything*.

If patriarchy is the matrix**, then obviously this whole shaved cootchy (cooter? whatever the other C-wrod for lady bits is, you know) = manatee connection is a result of patriarchy, stands to reason right?

Except what possible use does the patriarchy get out of making me think of manatees when ever I see shaved croutons? I rate manatees highly, among my top ten of all the aquatic mammals, so it isn't to make me ashamed of a shaved crampon, if only sahving the area would make my crotch graceful and agile like a manatee... *sigh*

maybe it is to make me live in constant fear of my coucous being killed by a boat's proppeller should I ever shave it, so that then I'd not be so wise to the aquaintence raping ways of men?

Now I'm just being silly.

Also has anyone else noted that when you add stars into swear words, as a form of censorship, it sounds more emphatic and rude than it would normally?

For instance this sentence; "Fuck you, you fucking fucker!" is something a curly haired child might say, to which you'd reply with a "cute, kid" and ruffle their hair playfully.

However this sentence; "F*ck you, you f*cking f*cker!" sounds like something that only a hardened criminal would say while raping a nun and stealing money from a little old lady.

M*rkos M*ulitsa.

See?

I shall experiment in weeks to come.

See you all next week (or whenever) folks, same bat time, same bat channel...

* Especially feminism, which is all patriarchy, all the time, unless twisty and her white capitalist father say it isn't, in which case it's not, oh shut up mildred, can you not see there is no clear signs of mental issues just because a lesbian loves her father and his funk filled bratwurst? and if that human emotion called "love" means being an apologist for the occasional bit of illegal immigrant exploiting or "industrial accidents" that had nothing to do with competitors being pushed into vats of acid or whatever he did in his time as a capitain of industry, then what is a radical feminist who clearly states she stands against white male capitalist oppression to do? Other than not act as an apologist of course... let's not get crazy here...

** A term I originally thought twisty meant in a way that I later found out she didn't mean it, thus confusing me because the way I thought she didn't mean it but did basically made feminism into yet another branch of the whiney white emo kiddies armed services. Alas, for some reason I am one of the few people who seems to have realised that even neitzsche didn't like whiney nihilists, and I sincerely believe that if he was alive today he'd start up a mail bombing campaign of Eels, just on the principle of the thing.

Somehow I feel that feminism should be about something more than sighing heavily everytime your moka frotha locka choca capa frapa crapa chino is handed to you without the little complimentary sprinkling of cinnamon you're used to but it's all so depressing so you don't complain and just end up zoning out staring at the over cast sky, thinking of the days when everything and bad hair cuts, but this is only my opinion, which is worth as much money as I can convince the New York Time to pay me (nothing whatsoever).

Dear next person to make a spartan-centric movie

Please include:

- More hot man-on-man action (I'm not gonna see the proper movie on account of my head will explode if there's not the little wall that was actually used at thermopylie, but the porn spoof version should be... interesting).

- At least some passing reference to why the spartans had such a well trained army (Helot uprisings? Massive slavery from the conquest of neighbouring states? Just some mention that the spartans were complete barbaric nutjobs of the first kind, nay references would be good)

Please do not include:

- Vile evil faceless mass of evil woggy brown folk as the vile evil Iranians Persians who are even more suicidal (some how) than the 300 themselves.

- Matrix-stylee slow mo action scenes, it's been done, by john woo, back in the 80's, in hong kong, it's going to be this generation of big budget films' cliche, which future film critics will look back on and laugh at, like dodgy psychedlia from the 60's, but even lamer.
As they should.

I mean COME ON! A several thousand year old bit of white supremicist masturbatory propaganda, and it's been converted into a cliche ridden hack & slash action movie, a story that explicitly had the spartans precede every battle with copious hair grooming and mutual man-on-man oiling action, and it's been parsed into the "fight in the shade" comment and some pretty CGI beheadings.

COME ON! It's the freaking Iranian empire invading a neighbouring (nominally) white country for conquest and booty, there's comparatives! Metaphors! Allegories! Hot man-on-man oiling and grooming scenes! All sort of subtle and not subtle things you could do with the thermopylea epic.

BUT NO! Fucking hack and fucking slash and fucking slow-mos!

Fuck them all, the fucking fuckers.